mier(él/they/them)
timeskip(ve/vir/vis)
Time ago

BPD traits - are people with BPD good or bad?

babushka

There's a giant stigma out there around BPD. Our mental illness doesn't make us want to hurt others, but it makes it harder for us to handle our emotions, including the negative ones, it also subjects us to overwhelming fear of abandonment and distorts the way we view people around us, making us unintentionally manipulative and emotionally unstable, which can be a huge drain of our loved ones as they're struggling to maintain their own stability. There's also, apparently, the romantization of BPD. There isn't a lot of it, and it doesn't involve romanticizing potentially toxic behaviours. Instead, this romantization suggests that people with BPD are the only ones that are capable of a true, deeper love, extreme loyality to the point of complete selflessness - something one desires in a partner or a friend, and something that people without BPD just aren't able to feel. And high sensitivity of people with BPD often leads them to becoming some sort of an artist, and the romantization of mental illness in artists isn't new.

So, does BPD make you bad? Or good? Do positives outweigh the negatives?

Short answer, no, no, wrong question. BPD doesn't make you bad or good, it makes you show symptoms of BPD, just as depression doesn't make you bad or good, just depressed.

Now let's first examine the character traits we think are good or bad. Loyality, for example. Imagine a partner who is loving and loyal to you - but maybe a little to extreme? They are always there to help you before you even say you need help, they jump ahead to save you from various troubles and always end up in trouble themselves, they seem to put their life on the line for you and you don't know how to handle it. You feel like you owe them, but they never give you the chance to repay this debt. Their life slowly collapses as they neglect their needs to please you, and you feel like you are responsible for it. You're overwhelmed, but you can't walk away - they love you so much, you're afraid it will break their heart and literally kill them.

Now imagine having a partner who is selfish. Well, at least that's what people say when they learn that your partner says " I put myself and my needs first". They've cut toxic people out of their life and they'll encourage you to do the same. As they give you flowers and see your happy smile, they say "well, seeing you smile makes me happy, so i wanna see it more. And seeing you sad makes me upset, but now you're not sad, and I'm not upset anymore". You don't have to worry about them getting in trouble or getting hurt, because they know better to take care of themselves. They will tell you what they want for their birthday without you trying to guess and getting scared to guess wrong.

Okay, okay, I see, you say, character traits are complex, we just saw a bad partner who's loyal and a good partner who's selfish, now who of them has BPD?

And the answer is both of them can have it! Also both of them can be mentally fine. See, first of all, BPD manifests very differently. Secondly, it doesn't really give you... character traits? I mean, it heavily influences your behaviour, but... BPD can make me feel intense love and also intense hatred for the same people in different circumstances - so should i call myself "loving" or "hateful"? Another symptom of mine is feeling emptiness in place where my personality should be - do i even HAVE character traits? If you insist everything, including you, must be inherently good or bad, that is so-called "black-and-white thinking" - a symptom of BPD and other mental illnesses. Here's a simple test for you - bad people don't usually question themselves at all.

So I'm a good person, you ask? Yeah!

Oh, you have one more question. What is it? Are you a good person because of BPD, or despite it?

Neither. You're a good person with BPD. Just a person with BPD.

Everything else is up to you. Go on, create yourself.


Notes
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idioticsilverware commented on this post:

being grounded has made it vv hard to find any help for possibly having bpd, finding it out, doing research, and then fighting myself trying to find out if I'm manipulative or not because of it (and if so, if that makes it bad? since its not like, on purpose but yk it still does damage). and like- thanks my dude for helping w that


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